April 6, 2009

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month! SAAM

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 6:50 am

In April, we survivors celebrate and support SAAM. The theme for 2009 is “Sexual Violence in the Workplace.”

How is Sexual Violence in the Workplace defined?

  • Jokes about rape or about women as sex objects
  • Language, such as name-calling, using sexual slurs, and comments about someone’s body
  • Images that are pornographic or offensive images in the workplace
  • Verbal abuse: yelling at someone or making derogatory comments to someone
  • Physical abuse of any kind: hitting, touching someone in a sexual manner, and manipulating or forcing someone to have sex

Employers should have an updated sexual harassment policy in their handbook that includes:

  • A clearly stated commitment to prevent sexual harassment.
  • Anti-harassment language with definitions of both quid pro quo and hostile work environment forms of harassment.
  • Clear communication to employees that sexual harassment will not be tolerated, and a detailed explanation of the consequences (including termination) for perpetrators.
  • Statement that any complaints of sexual harassment at your workplace will be investigated immediately and thoroughly.
  • Detailed instructions on what an employee should do if he/she is a victim of sexual harassment at work.
  • A clause that protects the victim’s privacy and ensures that no retaliation from the perpetrator will be tolerated.
  • Contact information for:
    1. Local rape crisis center.
    2. Any other individuals on staff that can provide guidance and support (e.g., staff guidance counselor; trained human resources representative, Employee Assistance Program)
  • Managers and supervisors at my company are trained to recognize sexual harassment, how to prevent it, and what to do if sexual harassment is reported to them.

What can YOU do?

  • Treat others with respect
  • Express your concern when you hear an offensive comment or joke
  • Offer to help when someone is in need
  • Reinforce positive behavior
  • Advocate for policies in your community designed to prevent and respond to sexual violence
  • Copy and past this whole article in YOUR blog and encourage others to pass the message on!

February 10, 2009

Conquering Your Trauma Anniversary

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 4:18 pm

Each year, as February 15th rolls around, I begin my cycle of reaction: Nightmares. Flashbacks. Anxiety. Irritability. Hypervigilance. Anorexic tendencies. Picking at my skin. Crying easily. Constant frustration. Driving recklessly. It’s all so familiar, yet there’s little that I can do to stop the array of reactions from worming their way into my functioning life.

As February 15 approaches, I long to be Proactive. “This year,” I tell myself, “will be different. I will gain control of myself in only positive ways.” Then, as if right on schedule, my post traumatic stress symptoms march inward to the beat of yearly repetition. Once again, Proaction has become Reaction.

If you are a survivor of any type of traumatic event, whether it be a natural disaster, a sexual attack, a violent relationship, even the loss of a loved one, you and I are kindreds. We may have different symptomology, but we are inherently the same. We must fight every year to try and win the epic battle we lost on that fateful date that binds us to it forever.

Over the years, I’ve discovered some small but significant ways to lessen my reaction to my anniversary date, and I’d like to share them with you, in hopes that one or more of them might work for you. I’m not a psychologist or a doctor or a person with any professional qualifications. I am simply a survivor, and in this case, I believe that’s enough.

Try 1 or more of the following ideas to help you get through the preceding weeks up through the inevitable day of the anniversary:

1. Find a trusted friend and tell them how you’re feeling. Tell a doctor, a friend, a counselor, a neighbor. DO NOT let youself go through this alone.

2. Find positive coping techniques that work for you and use them when you are in distress.
For example:
a. Wrap up in a comfortable blanket; put on soft pajamas
b. Light a candle and drink some hot tea
c. Carry a smooth rock in your pocket. When you’re feeling upset, reach in and feel it’s strength.
d. If you feel yourself mentally “leaving the room” try naming the objects around you (ie. lamp, vase)
e. Carry a small notebook everywhere you go. Write down those negative, scared feelings.

3. Make sure you are eating at least 3 times a day and are getting enough rest. When we are emotionally upset by a traumatic event, our body’s resistance wears down. It’s a lot easier to catch illnesses that way.

4. Plan to do something positive for yourself on your anniversary date.
For Example:
a. Get a new haircut
b. Get a massage or a facial
c. Take yourself shopping
d. Stay home with a friend and watch comedies
e. Have a friend “kidnap” you for the day and keep you busy with fun activities

5. Write yourself or your anniversary date a letter. I promise this helps. I’ve included my own below as an example.

“Dear February 15th,

I can feel you looming. I can feel you in my bones. You’re a part of me now. You have been for 7 years.
I used to be terrified of you. I used to cry and bawl and shake and fear you. The terror would start months before you were even in sight. I consciously knew you were coming and I waited for the worst.

I used to be angry with you. I was pissed that you even existed. I was mad that you had such an effect on me and my life. I subconsciously knew you were coming for months ahead of time, and was very conscious of you beginning January 1st. With fists clenched, I waited for you.
Now, I vaguely think of you on and off. It started in mid-January. With less than a week to go, I just feel sad. I’m not even sad in the sense that something so horrible happened to me. I’m more in mourning for the innocent girl I used to be. I’m sorry that she ever had to feel such a loss of control and the feeling of having her safe world disintegrate before her eyes.

It’s not your fault that you exist, just like it wasn’t her fault it happened to her, just like it’s okay to admit that I am her.”

Please always remember that although you may feel alone as the sole survivor of a horrible day, you are never alone. Family, friends, and other survivors can be there for you if you let them.

Eden (edensurvivor at yahoo dot com)
http://www.taking-back-control.com

February 3, 2009

Teen Safety Online

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 8:12 am

Keeping our kids safe seems to be getting more and more complicated. We are still learning how to protect ourselves online as adults and as parents we need to learn to protect and educate our children also. It is imperative that parents stay up to date on technology to understand what is available and not just bury our heads in the sand and pretend our kids would never search out questionable things online or be foolish enough to meet a stranger in real life. As the mom of a teenager this is a big part of my job as parent – helping T understand how to be safe online and keeping a check on things.

NetSmartz, a leading online resource of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, has developed NSTeens to help educate, engage, and empower our teens and tweens as internet users. Their website includes some great tools including bios, comics, and videos covering things like social networking, cyberbullying, and offline consequences.

If you have a teen or tween please take some time to visit NSTeens together and watch the videos (they are cartoon at first, but then real life teens responding), read the comics, and see the other resources available. Talk about it, share your feelings, look together at the pages they may have set up on MySpace, Face Book, or other places and make sure they are trying to be safe. It really is very important!

This is also a great resource to pass along to your friends and family who also have kids of their own. Even if you are aware, what about the parents of your teens friends? What kind of access do they have when they are at someone else’s house? Share and help all of us!

January 25, 2009

ABC News: What Would You Do If You Saw Someone Drug a Woman’s Drink?

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 5:10 pm

The following article is from ABC’s What Would You Do? Report.

Imagine you’re sitting at a picturesque bar on the New Jersey shore, enjoying a drink and an appetizer, when an attractive young couple sits down next to you. You soon learn that the couple is on their very first date. Everything appears to be normal until the woman excuses herself to use the restroom.

What would you do if you saw someone tampering with his date’s drink? Suddenly the situation turns ugly and dangerous. The man pulls out a capsule filled with a white powder and begins pouring the substance into his unsuspecting date’s drink. Customers sitting at the bar can’t believe their eyes; could the seemingly charming guy be drugging his date?

What would you do? Is it your responsibility to step in or is it better to keep your distance? We went to Mcloone’s Pier House to find out.

We rigged the ocean-side restaurant with hidden cameras and hired actors, Jeremy and Brigitte, to portray a couple on their first date.

“What Would You Do” anchor John Quinones watched alongside the producers and production team as the experiment unfolded on monitors in an upstairs control room. We had no idea how people would react to this shocking scenario.
‘Don’t Drink That!’
The first couple immediately noticed Jeremy pour some white powder into his date’s drink. Yet when Brigitte returned they said nothing, as the actors clinked glasses and took a sip. The couple seemed concerned but several minutes lapsed and they didn’t say a word. We asked Jeremy to excuse himself to see if this would make the approach easier, but they still said nothing. Brigitte then began to act sick from the drug, fanning her face and repeatedly saying, “It’s hot in here.”

Four minutes went by and finally Angie, the woman who had watched the entire scene unfold, leaned over to Brigitte and asked, “Do you have a headache? Maybe it’s the drink, don’t drink that! Ask for another one and drink your water!”

Angie’s husband Walter offered to buy Brigitte a new drink as Angie offered some motherly advice: “I always tell my kids, if you leave your drink, just get another one when you get back.”

Next, our actors sat next to Doug and Patricia, a local couple who offered Jeremy some sweet advice for his first date: “Give her a nice impression. Don’t go wild, be yourself, be calm, and you know, do your thing.”

This budding friendship took a nasty turn, however, when Doug noticed Jeremy drugging Brigitte’s drink. Immediately he sprang into action, “Can I say something to you?” he shouted. “You dropped something in that drink.”

Jeremy denied it but Doug persisted, even to his wife’s dismay. Doug was so sure of what he saw he kept telling his wife to “shut up.”

But did he tell Brigitte what he saw when she returned?

We were surprised to find that Doug, along with most other patrons, remained quiet until Brigitte started to act sick from the fake drug. As soon as he saw her act faint, Doug reacted, telling Brigitte authoritatively, “Throw that wine away.… Are you OK?”

We let Doug in on our experiment, and he had some advice of his own.

“The right thing for this whole country is if something is wrong, speak up. React and protect your neighbors and let your neighbors protect you. C’mon America …We are the best, let’s live it that way,” he said.

As a twist in our experiment, we decided to dress Brigitte more provocatively; a variable that Keating, the psychology professor, thought might provoke a different reaction. “She looks like she’s been there, done that, and I would imagine not as much sympathy for her.”

Was she right?

Dressed in a tight, revealing blue dress, Brigitte took a seat with her date Jeremy. Two men sitting at the bar immediately noticed the sexy actress, and as soon as she stepped away told Jeremy, “Good for you, I wish I could do that s–t. Unfortunately I got married a long time ago.”

Jeremy laughed with his new cohorts and then proceeded to spike Brigitte’s drink not once, but five times, to make sure they saw what he was doing.

When Brigitte returned from the restroom, Jeremy excused himself saying, “These are nice guys, they’ll take care of ya.” But to our astonishment, they refused to get involved or say anything even after Brigitte began to fake a headache. We decided to up the ante by telling Jeremy to attempt to bring Brigitte home.

“I have a pool in my house, if you want to go back there,” he said.

The two men responded by leaving the bar without a word. When we asked why they didn’t say anything, they refused to speak with us but we did learn that only one of them saw the powder go into Brigitte’s drink.

Brigitte was disturbed that they didn’t get involved, saying, “I feel dirty, not like I felt before when I was the cute little girl.” Earlier, nobody had let Brigitte walk out of the bar with Jeremy. Speaking up would have saved the young woman in this precarious, possibly even deadly, situation.

Next, two older men took a seat next to our actors.

After witnessing Jeremy poison Brigitte’s drink, they surprised us by immediately telling the bartender, who was also an actor working for “WWYD.”

Later, after we let them in on our secret, on of the men, Arthur, said, “I wanted to prevent violence and I wanted him [my friend Tim] to calm down. And you gotta be careful of how you get involved.”

But after nearly two full days of repeating the scenario, no one told Brigitte exactly what they saw or why they were concerned about her.

Then, a remarkable woman showed up. As soon as Jeremy drugged Brigitte’s drink, Linda was on the case.

“Did you just put something in her drink?” she asked.

Jeremy once again denied he did anything. When Brigitte returned from the restroom, Jeremy excused himself. Linda wasted no time.

“Excuse me, Miss? I’m probably out of line, he thinks I’m crazy, I thought I saw him put something in your drink and stir it.”

When the scene broke, Brigitte was moved to tears by her new friend. She explained to us how protected she felt with Linda who not only spoke up but who also followed Brigitte into the restroom to make sure she was all right.

October 15, 2008

The PROTECT Our Children Act 2008 PASSED 9/25/08!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 5:42 am

What a victory for advocates everywhere!!!!

The PROTECT Our Children Act will:

  • Authorize over $320 million over the next five years in desperately needed funding for law enforcement to investigate child exploitation.
  • Mandate that child rescue be a top priority for law enforcement receiving federal funding.
  • Allocate funds for high-tech computer software that can track down Internet predators.

April 26, 2008

The Bloggy Giveaway Winner is . . .

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 12:29 pm

SmellyAnn! I’ll be emailing her right now and letting her know her tote will be in the mail!

Thank you to ALL who played! Please check out the rest of my site if you are a survivor!!

April 22, 2008

Bloggy Carnival Giveaway at TBC!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 7:59 am

Taking Back Control is participating in our first-ever Bloggy Giveaway Carnival! This will help other survivors find our site full of resources and support as well as give away a great prize to participants! This time, we are giving away an Earth Friendly Tote from our Cafe Press Store! Not only is this tote a beauty, it’s also great for hauling home your groceries, thus helping to save the environment. Today (4/22) is Earth Day after all! Do your part & win a great prize!

Just leave your name and a valid email in the comments section! EXTRA ENTRY if you mention that you are a survivor (be honest), that you know a survivor, or a tip that could help women stay safe in this scary world.Â

Also, besure to check out our TBC site and join our message board if you are a survivor of any kind of violence! Our message board is safe and secure and requires registration to view the boards!

April 7, 2008

April 29 Report IT Now!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 5:03 am

I am participating in the Angela Shelton “Report It Now” Campaign in my hometown. On that day, people around the world are encouraged to Report their assault(s) anonymously, so that there is a record of just how many of us are affected by sexual assault/child abuse, whether we’re reported it to the police or not. You don’t have to attend a rally to participate; you can simply fill out the anonymous form and Report IT Now!

If you are interested in attending a rally in your area, go here. The Springfield, OH event has moved to Columbus, OH! If you are interested in this event and would like more information, please contact event organizer, Joanna Doane.

The Columbus, OH Location:
Columbus, OH information (12 Noon rally):
NEW Location of Report IT Rally:
Franklin County Court House
373 South High Street
Columbus, OH 43215

March 3, 2008

REPORT IT NOW! Campaign

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 5:08 am

Report It Now! April 29 – Angela Shelton

Angela Shelton & Angela Rose (of PAVE) have joined together to make “Report It Now!” on Angela Shelton Day, April 29.

CLICK HERE to fill out the online report form. It is ANONYMOUS!

WHO: Angela Shelton and Wendy Murphy joined PAVE’s Executive Director Angela Rose for this groundbreaking effort. In July 2007, PAVE: PROMOTING AWARENESS, VICTIM EMPOWERMENT organized the emergency national protest dubbed “Call it RAPE” in response to the silencing of rape victims in court. The protest was covered by CNN, TODAY SHOW and TIME. For more information on the campaign organizers, please visit our website.

WHAT: The Report IT on Angela Shelton Day Campaign features an anonymous online reporting system to gather statistics on the occurrences of sex crimes. On April 29, 2008 hailed Angela Shelton Day, protests will be organized in every state to showcase solidarity of the movement to end sexual violence as well as a call to action for the system to stop re-victimizing survivors.

WHY: It has been shown that over 80% over sexual assaults go unreported. Moreover, sexual assault survivors across the country are often re-victimized upon reporting the crime to the authorities. It is time for all victims to REPORT IT!

WHEN: The Report IT campaign officially launches on February 19, 2008 at a nationwide Victim’s Rights Rally.

WEBSITE
BLOG

February 6, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Eden @ 6:30 am

Each year, as February 15th rolls around, I begin my cycle of reaction: Nightmares. Flashbacks. Anxiety. Irritability. Hypervigilance. Anorexic tendencies. Picking at my skin. Crying easily. Constant frustration. Driving recklessly. It’s all so familiar, yet there’s little that I can do to stop the array of reactions from worming their way into my functioning life. As February 15 approaches, I long to be Proactive. “This year,” I tell myself, “will be ifferent. I will gain control of myself in only positive ways.” Then, as if right on schedule, my post traumatic stress symptoms march inward to the beat of yearly repetition. Once again, Proaction has become Reaction.

If you are a survivor of any type of traumatic event, whether it be a natural disaster, a sexual attack, a violent relationship, even the loss of a loved one, you and I are kindreds. We may have different symptomology, but we are inherently the same. We must fight every year to try and win the epic battle we lost on that fateful date that binds us to it forever.

Over the years, I’ve discovered some small but significant ways to lessen my reaction to my anniversary date, and I’d like to share them with you, in hopes that one or more of them might work for you. I’m not a psychologist or a doctor or a person with any professional qualifications. I am simply a survivor, and in this case, I believe that’s enough.

Try 1 or more of the following ideas to help you get through the preceding weeks up through the inevitable day of the anniversary:

1. Find a trusted friend and tell them how you’re feeling. Tell a doctor, a friend, a counselor, a neighbor. DO NOT let youself go through this alone.

2. Find positive coping techniques that work for you and use them when you are in distress.
For example:
a. Wrap up in a comfortable blanket; put on soft pajamas
b. Light a candle and drink some hot tea
c. Carry a smooth rock in your pocket. When you’re feeling upset, reach in and feel it’s strength.
d. If you feel yourself mentally “leaving the room” try naming the objects around you (ie. lamp, vase)
e. Carry a small notebook everywhere you go. Write down those negative, scared feelings.

3. Make sure you are eating at least 3 times a day and are getting enough rest. When we are emotionally upset by a traumatic event, our body’s resistance wears down. It’s a lot easier to catch illnesses that way.

4. Plan to do something positive for yourself on your anniversary date.
For Example:
a. Get a new haircut
b. Get a massage or a facial
c. Take yourself shopping
d. Stay home with a friend and watch comedies
e. Have a friend “kidnap” you for the day and keep you busy with fun activities

5. Write yourself or your anniversary date a letter. I promise this helps. I’ve included my own below as an example.

“Dear February 15th,

I can feel you looming. I can feel you in my bones. You’re a part of me now. You have been for 7 years.
I used to be terrified of you. I used to cry and bawl and shake and fear you. The terror would start months before you were even in sight. I consciously knew you were coming and I waited for the worst.

I used to be angry with you. I was pissed that you even existed. I was mad that you had such an effect on me and my life. I subconsciously knew you were coming for months ahead of time, and was very conscious of you beginning January 1st. With fists clenched, I waited for you.
Now, I vaguely think of you on and off. It started in mid-January. With less than a week to go, I just feel sad. I’m not even sad in the sense that something so horrible happened to me. I’m more in mourning for the innocent girl I used to be. I’m sorry that she ever had to feel such a loss of control and the feeling of having her safe world disintegrate before her eyes.

It’s not your fault that you exist, just like it wasn’t her fault it happened to her, just like it’s okay to admit that I am her.”

Please always remember that although you may feel alone as the sole survivor of a horrible day, you are never alone. Family, friends, and other survivors can be there for you if you let them.

Eden (edensurvivor at yahoo dot com)
http://www.taking-back-control.com

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