How Do You Take Back Your Control Once It’s Been Taken Away?

There are many different theraputic techniques out there. I’d like to discuss a few of them here, so that Survivors can have some tools to use, whether you decide to go to counseling, or decide to use them on your own!

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT): A-B-C Theory of Emotional Disturbance
“People are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.” ~Epictetus, 1st century A.D.

REBT was created by Dr. Albert Ellis in 1955. “It is an action-oriented approach to coping with problems and enhancing personal growth. REBT places a good deal of its focus on the present: on currently-held attitudes, painful emotions and maladaptive behaviors that can sabotage a fuller experience of life. REBT also provides people with an individualized set of proven techniques for helping them to solve problems. REBT practitioners work closely with people, seeking to help uncover their individual set of beliefs (attitudes, expectations and personal rules) that frequently lead to emotional distress. REBT then provides a variety of methods to help people reformulate their dysfunctional beliefs into more sensible, realistic and helpful ones by employing the powerful REBT technique called “disputing.” Ultimately, REBT helps people to develop a philosophy and approach to living that can increase their effectiveness and happiness at work, in parenting and educational settings, in living successfully with others, in making our community and environment healthier, and in enhancing their own health and personal welfare.” More information about its origins can be found on this website.

I, personally, have found REBT’s process, which I’ve posted below, extremely helpful in my journey of healing after sexual assault. Like most Survivors, I have suffered from Posttramatic Stress Disorder since my ordeal. With that, there are many side effects, including irrational thoughts. Past events cloud and color present events with irrational fears and behaviors. REBT has helped me dispute my irrational thoughts and live a fuller, happier life!

Please follow the steps below using your own Activating Experience.

A=Activating Experience
Example Scenario: Your boyfriend breaks the news that he has met another woman, and is therefore breaking off his relationship with you.

B=Irrational Beliefs About the Experience
“I really must be a worthless person.”
“He doesn’t want me; therefore no one could possibly want me.”
“If I’m not in a relationship I can’t possibly be happy.”
-Or-
“This is awful.”
“Everything happens to me!”
“I can’t stand the world being so unfair!”

C=Upsetting Emotional Consequences
Depression and/or Rage

D=Disrupting of Irrational Ideas
“Where’s the evidence that because he is ending our relationship, that my worth has diminished; or that I’ll never be able to have a really good relationship with someone else? Why must I be miserable if I don’t have a mate?”
-Or-
“Is it really that awful?”
“Can I really not stand it?”
“Why shouldn’t the world be full of hassles?”

E=New Emotional Consequence or Effect
Disappointment/Sadness:
“We did have a nice relationship, and I’m sorry to see it end — but it doesn’t make me less of a person.”
-Or-
Frustration:
“I don’t like him dropping me, but it’s not awful or intolerable and doesn’t mean he’s a totally rotten person.”

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