Advocacy
As I further my journey through healing, I’ve encountered many AMAZING WOMEN making a difference in the movement. Each is SPEAKING OUT about what has been done to them and is looking for change! Not only can we help change the justice system, but we can spread the word and possibly prevent Sexual Assault from happening to someone else!
Non-Profit & Government Organizations
NSVRC: National Sexual Violence Resource Center
A comprehensive collection and distribution center for information, research and emerging policy on sexual violence intervention and prevention.
PAVE: Promoting Awareness, Victim Empowerment
Founded by Angela Rose after being kidnapped and assaulted by a Repeat Offender in 1996.Â
NCAVA: National Coalition Against Violent Athletes
Founded by Katherine Redmond when her Title IX case against the University of Nebraska and her perpetrators was settled in 1997.
NOW: National Organization For Women
Since its founding in 1966, NOW’s goal has been to take action to bring about equality for all women.
RAINN: Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
Founded by Scott Berkowitz and Tori Amos. It is the nation’s largest anti-sexual assault organization and has been ranked as one of “America’s 100 Best Charities by Worth magazine.
VDAY: Until the Violence Stops
V-Day is a global movement to stop violence against women and girls.
Lavender Power
Lavender Sisters binding together against Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault.
ASCA: Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
This program was designed to support and assist survivors of child abuse, irrespective of their financial situation, in moving on with their lives.
US Dept of Justice: Office on Violence Against Women
The mission of the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) is to provide federal leadership to reduce violence against women, and to administer justice for and strengthen services to all victims of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking.
It Happened to Alexa Foundation
The only organization whose focus is helping rape victims during the criminal trial.
Survivors Art Foundation
Healing through Art. Art through healing.
National Center for PTSD
This site is an educational resource on PTSD and traumatic stress, for veterans and also for mental health care providers, researchers and the general public.
For nearly 9 years my beloved identical twin sister and I were sexually, physically, emotionaly and ritualistically abused and tortured at the hands of our biological parents. Together we clung to each other and learned that there was love in the world. After years of therapy we are telling our story in the hope of helping others thrive, not just survive. God bless, Hope Forus
My Memories
Story of Zee….
This was very hard for Zee to write and tell once again. Please understand this is a Survivor’s story, and it is an ongoing one. Zee still has to work through old memories and old inflicted pain layer by layer, day by day. Why do some think when the Child Abuse ends so do the symptoms and pain of that Abuse? As you read Zee’s story you you will understand the life long battle she has suffered and faced head on. The details in Zee’s story are not innocent or dreamy Fairy Tales. They are very graphic and sickening. They are what she managed to live through. Stop and think while reading this story that a child who lives very near to your home, even possibly your neighbor girl or boy is living the same horror as Zee did. Child Abuse or Child Sexual Abuse is very common, very common indeed. The more woman I meet the more shocked I am how widespread it is. It has to stop now! And there is only one way we can do that. Spreading the stories and provide links to make everyone become aware of it’s very real existence. For the Survivor’s the need to spread their story is not based on the need of getting attention. I believe it’s a way for the Grown Adult to fight for the child who was abused the way the Parents or Authorities did not. What more loving act can they do for themselves than that!
Warning this story is very graphic…if you can’t handle the explicit sexually graphic written scenes or the violence of how some Children are mistreated, then do not read father….If you choose to make that decision remember Children like Zee had no choice of such kindness as to just stop reading and it would all go away, they wish they did.
The Beginning
5 to 6 years old
So much of my childhood is a blank. Twelve years almost is missing.
I have bits and pieces here an there that are filled with abuse from my Dad
(Charles H. Bowman Sr.), my Mom (Faye Bowman), and least but not
last my Brother (Charles H. Bowman Jr.). I remember being in my bed feeling like I didn’t belong. Praying that I would turn into a “boy” and maybe that way I wouldn’t feel so unwanted. I use to pray to God to please make me a cripple so they might “Love” me properly or just let me “Die”. I Never did understood back then why I felt like that. I remember those feelings as young as 5 or 6 years of age.
I remember at the age of 4 or 5, having to stand in a chair to do dishes. Lord and when I left a dirty spot on the dishes I would be punished. I had to sit on the floor with my legs straight out in front of me and have to reach and touch
my toes an hour continuously for every dirty dish. And God help you don’t bend your legs or you got time added on.
My Father started coming to me in the night. First it started with him fondling me inappropriately, touching my private parts on the outside of my clothes.
Then he started playing under my panties with his fingers and he would kiss my private area. He then started putting his penis in my mouth and moving it.
My mother caught my father doing this to me. She blamed me for his actions and punished me for what he was doing. I remember her holding me down and doing something to my private area to hurt me as my punishment. At this time “I do” remember my Mom hurting me down there regardless of what she say’s now. She cut most of my clitoris off as punishment after she caught my
Dad. It all makes sense why I wet the bed as a child and my Urethra kept closing up due to scar tissue. And the Doctor always having to open it back up. I wonder now why didn’t the Doctor do anything to help me with this body mutilation inflicted on me!
9 – 12 years old,
imagine this happening to you…..
After my sister was born in March of 1957 the molestation stopped.
Only because my Mother started sleeping in my room with my Sister and I.
But then the physical abuse started. If my Brother or I did anything wrong we got beat with a belt buckle with our pants down. My brother and I were best friends we did everything together. I never played with dolls, just give me a gun or whatever my Brother had and I was happy. From the 5th grade on I always wore pants. I never understood why until I grew up, it was to cover up the marks from my beatings. My Brother started molesting me right before I turned 12. We were in the barn on the back acre. He made a game out of it. He never penetrated me. Mostly making me do Oral Sex on him, the same as my Father did. I also realize now that my Mother had to have molested my Brother in order for him to know about sex at the age he was then. And not to go inside me so he wouldn’t get me pregnant. This is the only thing that makes sense to me now.. how would he know how to take his penis and play with
my clitoris. I think most guys would just stick it in. They wouldn’t think
about getting someone pregnant at the age of 11 as I was and him 14.
We moved into the new house they had bought. There was a closet
under the stairs that was big enough for my Dad and my Sister to share.
When my Parents left us alone we would play this game with my Sister
where my Brother and I would hide something in the closet locking the
door from the inside. But we were really having sex. When it was just
me and him he would lay on the couch and make me do oral sex on him. This may seem like I was a willing participant but remember it was a game my Father taught me at 4 or 5 years old. And at that age would you believe anything your Father taught you to be wrong? And at ages 9 to 12 or so you have no idea what you are doing if you have never been told it was wrong. So at that time I thought this was normal Family behavior. This went on till I was in the middle of my 8th grade. When two boys asked me if they could “69′er” me. I asked them what that was and they told me. I knew right then what my Brother was doing with me was sex. This destroyed me, I put a stop to it right at that second. Later on when we had company from Tennessee come up I had to sleep in my Brothers room. He tried to do it again, and I told him to get off me or I was going to scream.
Over 12 years and older,
still too young to totally understand…….
After the age of 12 I remember almost everything. The physical and verbal abuse and molestation from my Brother. My Mom calling me a slut my Dad beating me. Always telling me, “you’ll never amount to anything”. My youngest Sister getting all the Love an new clothes. Even after she turned 18 they did anything for her but not me. I graduated midterm of my Senior year. I started working and got a vaginal infection. I thought the infection was VD and I thought I had caught it from the restroom. Well my Mom took me took me to the Doctor and told him the pelvic wouldn’t hurt me because I was not a virgin. He turn to her and said, “yes she is”. She should have felt an inch tall, I finally proved something to her! Well a month later I turned 18 and left home. She told everyone I ran away ………like please.
Well after moving out for a few months I got real sick and had to move back home. They were rummaging through my drawers and found an unopened condom. When I came home I got confronted about the condom. My Dad asked me if I wanted him to model it for me so I would know what one looks like on. I said, “no” and ran to my room, I could actually see him doing it.
21 Years of age and older
and the pain goes on…..
At the age of 21 I tried my first suicide attempt. I took 30, 10mg valiums
and drank most of a bottle of Wild Irish Rose Wine. When I woke up I
thought it was the next day. But it wasn’t it was 3 days later. I asked
my Parents why they had not taken me to the hospital, after all I had left a
suicide note. They said they had come up to my room and called my
name and I rolled over an looked at them and rolled back over. I told them
no one sleeps for 3 days without coming out and using the bathroom or
something. Needless to say I left the house and a month later I left Anderson, Indiana and moved to another State hoping they wouldn’t find me.
The Grown up Zee,
will molestation’s ever stop….
Now I’ll jump to when I was 35 years old and my daughters were 4 and 8 years old. My 4 year old Daughter came home and told me her Daddy’s Girlfriend’s Daughter had messed with her in her private area and her Son had messed with my 8 year old Daughter. I got so enraged I got my gun and Thank God my Friends were there to stop me. One known Generation of Sexual Abuse in my Family was enough! So I called the Police and DHS and reported it. I took them to the Hospital and it was proven that they were molested. I am thankful that I taught my two girls about not letting other people mess with there private area. Otherwise my 4 year old would have never known to tell me about what happened to them. I started at the age of 2 years old telling my girls about people who might try an hurt them, I am glad I did. I made sure they got treatment for this incident.
This incident brought Back my memories.
After having remembered what happen to me as a child at the age of 35, I tried
to confront my parents. But they denied it of course. A few years later
I tried confronting my Parents again. Still not being able to personally confront my Father’s sexual abuse just my physical abuse and my
Brother’s molestation. My Mom’s only thought was to blame me for her suicide attempts and her heart attacks. She said I should take responsibility for my own mental problems, I caused them. Thank you Mom, I am still getting more abuse from you after all the years of denial on your part.
I know the pain will never stop but I have to try to keep going.
I have attempted suicide 30 times that I am aware of.
The last month or so has been a difficult time for me with all the new memories of what my Mom, Father and Brother did to me. You see the memories come back to me little by little with the help of therapy.
My name is Whitedove and I was sexually abused by my father for six years.
Though this is a simple sentence, for me, it has basically ruled my life since I was around 11 years old. I also have two elder sisters who were abused by him as well as a childhood friend.
I started dealing with the abuse in 1998, when I went to a counselor for what I deemed at the time as relationship issues with my then boyfriend, and I started to want to deal with why I was so unhappy and depressed. I attended this counselor for a number of years, weekly at times, monthly at others, to help me through. It was tough work, very emotionally draining and at times extremely frightening, I continued to seek help in whatever way I could.
I joined an abuse group in 2000 where I was helped out by other women in similar situations to my own. It was through lots of counseling, helping hands from my husband, counselor and friends, that I was able to confront my father in 2000. It was a difficult time, and very daunting, but I could not continue on with the fallacies and lies that I was living with while visiting my family.
The confrontation was awful, but I gained a sense of purpose and understanding from it. I realized that I was not at fault and that I could speak up and confront the person who I had feared for all those years. I no longer have a relationship with either my mother or my father, they are both still alive, and my mother still lives with him, even though he admits he abused three of his daughters.
My other two sisters are in denial, and it makes it hard. I have had to step in twice now when their children have been put in harms way. I do not want to risk other children being harmed by this man. Unfortunately my sisters do not agree with my stance and are still visiting the abuser, knowing their own stories and my own. I hope one day that they can realize what has happened, and to begin to heal from our childhood.
It has come to the point now where I have lost all of my immediate family, because I find it too difficult to visit them, knowing that there is this between us all, and nothing is said. I feel like I have to live a lie when I am around them. I have sought out other relationships where I feel I can be supported and understood.
When I first started dealing with the abuse, I did not know what it had done to me emotionally, and it was not until I examined my life and my childhood that I started to realize that my childhood was not “normal.” At the time, I felt completely alone with this issue, thought that only I had been abused in the family and felt that I was completely at fault, somehow explaining to myself that the abuse “did not really matter” in the whole scheme of things.
How wrong I was. I had extremely low self esteem, constantly blamed myself and degraded myself, had suicidal thoughts, fought boughts of depression, shaking and anxiety, sickness and migraines. It was not until I started to deal with the abuse issue, that I realized how it had effected me
I now live a completely different life. I am generally happier and calmer and have more of an understanding of who I am, and where I have come from. I recommend to anyone who is considering counseling for this issue, to stick with it, read books, listen to yourself, talk to people who you can trust and know that you are not alone.
My name is Ginger, I’m 26 and am the survior of rape, this is my story.
On the morning of July 13,2006 I was alseep till around 8:30 when there was a knock on the door. I get up and look out there is a guy standing there. I had met him the day before through a friend. I told him to hang on a minute and pulled a pair of cutoff shorts on under the old tee-shirt I had slept in, pulled my hair back and let him in. Not thinking nothing of it b/c I had hung out with guys my whole life.
My cat ran from him, which should have been my first sign. So I left the door cracked in case Charile*cat* wanted to come back in.
The guy asked me if I knew where anything was *meaning drugs* I told him no it was to early and no one would be home anyway. He kept bugging me till I went to a couple of neighbors doors, but as I toldh im they were either still in bed or at work. I went back and told him. Thinking he would leave.
He didn’t he asked if I wanted some of his coffee/capicino. I took a couple of drinks. Then he started asking me if I wanted to f**k? I kept telling him no. He kept asking why. I told him everything and anything I could think of. I still wasn’t worried. I used to go to clubs alot when I was younger, so even this question wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard from guys I barely knew. The others knew the meaning of the word no though.
The door is still cracked at this time. I go to the bathroom. I come back and the door is shut. I start to feel alittle akward. I tell him my mom will be here in a few minutes with my daughter, we are going school shopping. He says he won’t be staying much longer.
I sit on the couch.
:cry:
I’m quiet and staring at the window thinking now he will leave. He ask if I’ve been raped. I keep staring at the window. He then says its an intresting fanstasy before I can put my cigarette out he is onteh couch and has my hands in one of his over my head he is trying to kiss me and has his hand up my shirt. He kisses my breast and I’m struggling. Still I don’t think fully believing this is happening to me. He trys to make me lay down on the couch I start begging him to stop and tell him I’m waiting on a blood test he needs to get a condom, I’m able to wiggle out of his hands and he is up in a flash between me and door. For one second I consider trying to jump out the window, but the window is shut and I’m on the second floor. So I tell him that I have some in my car. If he will just let me get them I will come back. He laughs at me and then slams me against the door. Before pulling me into the floor. I’m really struglling now and he keeps saying he will hit me knock me out if he has to. I don’t remember screaming out loud but I know I was in my head. Then all I see are starts and its dark I open my eyes back up and realize that he hit me. After this I kinda just float away. My shorts are off before I know it and he starts raping me there on the floor I remember looking back at the door wishing that my brother my mom my boyfriend someone would open in. THen he says get up I can’t do it in the floor. Wheres you room. I point down the hall he jerks me up by the arm and pulls me in there. He pushes me on the bed and turns me over on my stomache and pulls me up till he can reach my butt he starts feeling around and here i start beggin really hard and get kinda loud b/c he turns me back over really quick and ask me if I want to be unconscience? I shake my head no and he starts raping me again. I just stare at the ceiling thinking alot of strange things, school shopping my daughter i wonder if he is giong to kill me i think about my boyfriend my dead fiancee the fact that i need to clean out my ceiling light. He tells me to kiss him. I’m afraid so I do. He tells me to put my arms around him I try but they don’t corporate. He finishes I lay there a min. Then get scared if I lay there to long he’ll start again I get up put my shorts on in the hall.
He is standing at the door. He ask what i intend on doing about this? I tell him nothing, trying not to start crying. He hands me a marlboro and is like well do you want to see me again? I stare at him. he ask again at the door. I tell him no. He slams the door and leaves.
I finsih the cigarette. Then wonder vaguley if I wasn’t haveing a really bad dream. I do something I hadn’t done in years. I cut myself on my legs four times and a few times on my wrist. It bleeds then I realize it really did happen.
I go back to my neigbors still no answer. My phone had been cut off So I walk to the hopstiol. where it was reported and well I’m waiting for the trail and everything now.
oops I’m sorry I put that in the wrong place can someone delete that. I make such stupid mistakes