Got Consent?

Information provided from UMASS Amherst Everywoman Center & University of New Hampshire “Got Consent?” Campaign.

Did I provoke the attack? Was it really even rape? What is Consent? Consent can be defined in many different ways. However, most definitions have these elements in common: Consent is informed, freely and actively given, mutually understandable words or actions, which indicate a willingness to engage in mutually agreed upon sexual activity.

Informed: “Informed” is another way to say unimpaired, unforced, and unpressured. In order to make an informed decision about a sexual situation, first you have to know all the facts! All those involved in a sexual situation need the opportunity to assess the situation so they can make decisions based on what is OK for them. If someone is drunk or high, it’s important not to assume that they can give informed consent.

Freely and actively given: Consent cannot be given in situations involving coercion, threats, intimidation, or physical force. It cannot be given if a person is mentally or physically incapacitated or impaired so that they cannot understand the fact, nature or extent of the sexual situation. This includes conditions due to alcohol or drug consumption, or being asleep or unconscious.

Mutually understandable words or actions: The words and actions that different people use to communicate that they want to participate in sexual activity are as varied as the people who use them. A way to make sure that all people involved in a sexual situation understand what is happening is to ask and listen to the answer!

“Is this OK?”

“Would you like to…”

“Do you want me to…”

If the answer is an uncoerced, unpressured, unforced “Yes!”, consent has been established for that act.

What is sexual assault? Sexual assault is forced, manipulated, or coerced sexual activity. When any person engages in sexual activity to which they DO NOT or CANNOT consent, that fits the definition of sexual assault. Rape is one form of sexual assault.

What if I was drunk or high? Most importantly, if you were drunk or high and did not consent to some form of sexual activity, you did not do anything wrong. It is not your fault, and no one deserves to be assaulted no matter what. If you’re interested in someone who has been drinking, do not assume they are able to give informed, clear consent to have sex with you: wait until they’re sober. If you are drinking at a party, make sure you have a safety plan with friends.

I was underage drinking and I was sexually assaulted. Now I’m scared to report the assault because I’m afraid I’ll get in trouble. What do I do? The Police Department is concerned with your safety and well-being as a victim/survivor of sexual assault, not with pursuing charges against you for an alcohol violation. Victims/survivors will not face charges of alcohol consumption if a report of sexual violence is made to the police. If your friends don’t know this, tell them! It can make a difference by getting people the services and support they deserve.

What if both people were drunk or high? This is a question that a lot of people ask, especially on a college campus. If you are involved in a sexual situation where both people were drinking or using drugs and you feel concerned about the experience, feel free to call the RAINN 24-hour hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE to talk.

Trust your instincts-if something doesn’t feel right to you, you deserve support to figure out what you need.